Well obviously this whole blogging thing has taken a nose dive into no where. I am hoping I can pick it back up again and share my journey to a better me.
This all started last march when I had to have a hysterectomy. I felt like my world came crashing down. I acted like I was totally ok with it but lets face it no one in their 30s thinks they will be going down that path. Thankfully I had my 2 miracles babies and could have closer in all areas of having children.
Since my surgery over the last 10 months I have experienced many LOWS and not a lot of highs. I have felt horrible both physically and emotionally. I decided it was time to have another talk with my doctor. She knows my personal history. She knows that in 3 years time I lost my mom, grandpa (who was basically my dad), had a baby, had the tubal which was a really bad recovery, and then of course the hysterectomy. I just couldn't understand why I felt SO low. So she had me do this "survey" and I scored horrible. She said that maybe it was time to try some meds for a little while to get me through and back on my feet. Well I have been on it 9 months and while mentally I have felt a lot better physically it has sucked. I have gained 30lbs and the pain is still there (which obviously the meds weren't going to fix).
Fast forward to right now. We moved to Florida and Ive had to find all new doctors. I was referred to a Eurogyno doc. Several weeks ago she found a mass and right now I am having a million tests done to figure out what it is and what needs to be done. I also decided to go off of the meds because I just wanted to feel normal again. When I say i felt better it basically means I feel nothing and thats not a great way to go through life either. Plus the weight gain has really brought me down. I feel like I can't do as much with my kids and I just need to get it back off and start feeling better about myself. I want to have a MUCH better self imagine of myself that my mom always did. I don't think she was ever comfortable in her skin and I feel the exact same way and honestly I hope for my daughter that she gets a lot more of her dad's genes and doesn't struggle weight weight like generations of women before her.
In other news are move has been a good change. While I miss my friends and family dearly I am happy to not be cooped up for months at a time and enjoying doing a lot as a family. We have been able to spend a lot of time outdoors with the kids and I think that is worth it! Ive also been able to make some super sweet friends here and thankfully a lot of them go to the gym that I joined so they can keep me motivated to go.
So that's kind of the news with me: figuring out what the mass is, joining a gym and getting healthy, and moving to Florida (ok well thats mostly old news but I guess I never shared that either).
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