25 weeks

Today marks 25 weeks! I can hardly believe we found out 6 weeks ago that baby is a girl. Time is going too fast and I'm only 2 weeks from my 3rd trimester! So excited to meet this little miss but also enjoying the last 3 months of having an only child. He is so much fun right now and his imagination is just crazy! He loves everything rocket space ships and going to the moon. Feeling so blessed today and hoping the new year I can focus so much more on what I have then don't have in my life. I miss my mom and grandpa dearly but just know they are watching everything going on from the best seats in the world.
Hope you have a safe and blessed New Year!!






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1st kicks on the belly

Wednesday night there must have been a party in my tummy (a few too many yo gabba gabba episodes much?) because I felt her move for the first time on my tummy. I've been feeling her move and kick since about 17 weeks but this was the first time I could feel it on my tummy. I was so excited I made Nils hurry over to feel it. He felt it too. He said it was a weird feeling. Boys!! Just wanted to make sure I noted this so I can remember it later on. Such a fun milestone. She's been super active lately and I've started doing kick counts and she is pretty consistant. She parties around 11am, 7pm, and 10pm. Hope she keeps this schedule up!

Registry

I decided to make a registry at Target. I realize this is baby number two but there are some things I would like to have this time around and some things we need since we gave pretty everything away. There are also things I learned the first time around that I would change now. Plus the bonus is that when the due date gets close I can get 10% off plus my 5% off with the red debit card. So its worth it to me. I figure it will be a way to keep track of everything that we'd like to still get before baby comes. Ive gone to it a few times in the last week and keep deleting stuff off. I'd love to be one of those people that does everything over in pink but we did keep his playmat, swing, bouncer, and jumper so they will remain gender neutral. However since we need a new carseat I'm going the pink route. I don't normally like most of the prints in graco but the new Jacqueline collect is adorable. Pink and Paisley are some of my favorites! I think if I needed it I'd buy everything in this adorable collecting. It's so fun to see pink. It's becoming more real. 4 months to go!

4 months left

I can hardly believe I have 4 months left of this pregnancy. I still don't think that this reality has sunk in. After 6 1/2 years I am actually here. I am feeling a baby kick inside of me (which is helping a ton with the bonding process that I have been struggling so much with). I am putting together a 2nd nursery when I had almost lost hope of even using a nursery 3 years ago. I am having a little girl which gives me a knot in my throat every time I think about it. I'll have a boy and a girl. It's everything I've always dreamed of. I am so looking forward to leaving these family building days behind and living in today and not focusing on more in the future. Im ready for the chapter to close and a new one to begin. I feel so completely blessed and full right now and I am so glad for this. I have spent way too many years feeling incomplete and inadequate. I just hope that there will be ways in the future that I can bring hope to others by my story!

Birthing classes

I need some advice. I am trying to decide if I should do birthing classes? Is it worth it? Will I learn anything new that I haven't already read or see by watching Baby Story :)

It's a...

GIRL!!!! We didn't get a ton of good pics because she would not sit still. I cried. I am so excited to have a son and a daughter!! Feeling so blessed!!




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Day 1 almost done

Today I've learned a few things:

I don't take help easily. I hate being dependent on other people.

Bed rest would suck and I am now going to pray everyday that I don't face it.

Sitting around doing nothing means u still get tired. :) not sure how this is possible.

Having to go to the bathroom a million times a day is not fun on crutches. I debated many times today if it was worth it.

Most of all I'm thankful this will only last a week! The baby is fine. I'm thankful for a mostly good kid who listens to his great grandma. I'm thankful his nap lasted almost 2 hours. And lastly I'm thankful that at least I still have my grandma around.


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Not exactly how I planned to spend thanksgiving week

I got a new boot at 11pm last night. No not the fun new boots Ive been eying for winter. This style cost way more and you only get 1 foot. I stepped on my ankle, hit my knee and hands last night. Managed to skin my knee through my jeans.
Thankfully a sprain but they said there is a break that has started to heal itself. (I've fallen a few times in the last few months but that's a whole different story).
No walking for a week except with crutches, walking on the boot a week and then slowly working my way out if it after. So much for Black Friday shopping! This year I was so excited to go because I have a new baby who I will know what he or she is on Monday hopefully.
Here's to a week of sitting on my butt and trying to avoid the crutches because its been years since those muscles were worked out and they are already pissed and its only been 12 hrs :) Oh and of course chase around a 2 1/2 year old at the same time. Thank goodness it's a 3 day work week for my husband!



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Sometimes a girl just needs her mom

Today was a day that started like any other. Little man woke up early (which resulted in me finally sewing some black fleece and putting up a tension rod behind his curtains in hopes to black out his room) so we went downstairs and started the day. We had a play date and then headed home, ate lunch, and then nap time. Sometime after that it all came crashing down. I began to remember where I was a year ago and how these were my mom's final days. I remember sitting by her bed while she was intubated. I remember taking the tubes out and her have 1 really good day (which is 1 year ago tomorrow). She sat up that day, talked a ton to me and really just spent the day resting and playing games on her ipad. It was the last time she told me she loved me or the last time I got a hug from her. She told me how much she appreciated me being there the last 3 months and how much she needed me and was glad I never left her side even though I should have been home.
I miss her so much and have tried so much to go on with life but today it hit me. It hit me that I fast forwarded through Christmas last year without a single picture and we had drive thru mcdonalds for Christmas day lunch. I didn't want to celebrate anything and just wanted it to be over so much that we took the tree down Christmas day. I realized that this year I have to face it. I owe it to my husband and son to make new memories even if it is just us. So I had a really good cry and am ready to face her one year this weekend. Im ready to face the holidays even if they will be tough. Im ready to make new memories whatever they may be.
I just really want her here to talk pregnancy stuff, little man stuff, and just overall life stuff. Can't believe it's almost been a year. Amazing what can happen in a year.

4 1/2 days till the big day!

Feeling large and in charge :)



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18 Weeks

This week, Baby is the size of a: large baking potato (about 7 ozs)
 How far along? 18 weeks
 Due date: 04-15-13
Total weight gain/loss: I'm up 7lbs.
Maternity clothes? Yep and loving every minute of them!
Sleep: Still having a lot of trouble sleeping. I toss and turn a ton and am up to the bathroom as least twice.
Best moment this week: Spending time with my aunt. She is leaving to go back home but has been here back and forth for over a month.
Food cravings: Frozen coke, red meat, and mcdonalds m&m mcflurry
Movement: Not sure?
Symptoms: Dizziness. Some weird cramping here and there.
Labor Signs: Hopefully none of that till April.
Swelling? Feet a little
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: sleeping through the night :)
Feeling toward Pregnancy: Can't believe I am already almost half way. Seems like it went slow till 12 weeks and then has flown by. Feeling a little more confident that everything will be ok.
What I am looking forward to: 1 week from today is the BIG ultrasound. I am SO excited!
Milestones: Just getting this far!
News: I have been starting to get the nursery together and can't wait to add my final color (Aqua or Hot pink)

Currently

I saw this idea on http://www.lovemattandkara.com/2012/11/currently.html. I love this blog post idea!

Loving: Quiet weekends at home with my sweet family, having my Aunt here from Africa. She is the next closest thing to a mom for me and it's been so nice to have her here to help with grandma these first few weeks without grandpa. She's also been helping with little man which is a huge bonus! Also loving that I have been able to see a few of my close friends recently. Having mostly mom friends is tough to all plan a time to get together but we've been able to go out and its so refreshing!

Reading: I wish I enjoyed reading more. Now days my reading is blogs, daily pregnancy updates, and children's books.

Watching: My two main loves are Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice. As a couple we watch Parenthood, Modern Family, Office, Parks & Rec, and 30 rock. Oh and I hate to admit it but I am watching through all of Battlestar Galactica with my husband. Never thought Id see the day where Id side and watch something like this.

Listening to: Absolutely love Adele. When little man isn't in the car which isn't too often I listen to her or my Satellite radio. If he's in the car its either playing kid's music or a dvd.

Thinking about: The holidays and how different life is now that my immediate family is getting so small. It makes me sad but I am trying hard to think of ways to remember them by but also starting new traditions.

Looking forward to: Our big ultrasound two weeks from today. There has been so much loss in my life over the last year that I am having a hard time bonding and feeling close to this sweet baby. I am so hoping that this appointment will be the one that turns this around. I want to remember and enjoy every moment I have left of this pregnancy because this will probably be my one and only.

Making me happy: Spending time with my husband at night when little man goes to bed, spending the day with my little man and even when days get rough I am so thankful I get to stay home with him and feel so blessed by it.

19 Days and baby names..

I am counting down the days until we find out what this sweet baby is. 19 from today!! AHH! I can hardly believe it. Baby will either be:

Callie Sophia (or Sue...We aren't 100% on the middle name)....I've gone back and forth on even naming her Calliope and always calling her Callie but we'll see.

Our Boy name will be...

WHO knows...I can't get my husband to talk boy names because he is so sure this is a girl. I've got my running list but he pretty much does not like any of my suggestions:
Sebastian
Brock
Caelan (not sure on spelling yet)
Jacoby
Pierce
Liam
And then my Scandinavian boy list because when you have a last name like mine these names fit just fine and my husband really wants a Scandinavian name but when I ask for suggestions he has none. I will break him one of these days!
Anders
Beck
Crosby
Henrik
Sven

Belly shot..16 weeks

Not a great pic but here's where I'm at so far :) Feeling larger than I look.



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16 Weeks

Guess I've missed 5 weeks of these!
 
This week, Baby is the size of a: avocado
How far along? 16 weeks
 Due date: 04-15-13
Total weight gain/loss: I'm up 4-5lbs.
Maternity clothes? Yep and loving every minute of them!
Sleep: Still having a lot of trouble sleeping. I toss and turn a ton and am up to the bathroom as least twice.
Best moment this week:
Food cravings: Frozen coke and steak
Movement: none yet
Symptoms: Feeling pretty good other than sore chest and some weird cramping here and there.
Labor Signs: Hopefully none of that till April.
Swelling? Feet a little but I think it was just lack of taking care of myself the last few weeks.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: sleeping through the night :)
Feeling toward Pregnancy:A little anxious. I just can't seem to feel like this is real yet and keep waiting for the magical week that I'll feel at peace and feel like I'll actually get to carry this baby to term.
What I am looking forward to: My apt this week & Big ultrasound in 3 weeks!
Milestones: Just getting this far!
News: I can find the baby on the doppler right away now and love being able to hear that whenever I want.

Change of plans (crib)

My sweet grandma wanted to buy us our crib and after searching around online for not only one that I liked but my husband liked to we finally decided on one. He said the one I found (on the previous post) looked too much like one everyone has. He's cute. I didn't realize it was that but the fact that he did I decided to keep looking. We were going to order it when we found it $50 cheaper on a different site. So here is our final decision:

(It will be black but for some reason this pic looks brown)

So glad to have one more thing checked off our list....NOW to find out what this sweet baby is...3 more weeks....

On a happy note (baby)

I'm 15 weeks as of yesterday! Everything is going fine and I am so thankful for this. We all need some good stuff to go on right now. I've started planning the nursery and we so far have a changing table. We had given everything away because honestly we thought it either would never happen again for us or it would be years away and we just didn't want to move all the stuff just to store it in the new place to collect dust.
As we were sitting by my grandpa's beside last week my sweet grandma said to me that she wants to buy our crib. It was really out of the blue but I knew she wanted to talk about something happy so we sat there for a while and talked about the baby. She's also told me many times over the last week that she wants to do some traveling but that she will be here when baby comes. She said she has to be here. She's so excited about this sweet baby. I think just as much as we are. She loves our little man SO much that she just can't wait for another one to come along.
The colors/patterns for the nursery will be chartreuse Chevron, black and white stripes/polka dots, and either hot pink or aqua accents depend on what baby is. Here are some of the things I am thinking would look amazing in the nursery but may not be things we'll be able to afford. :)

Enchanted Chamboard Glider

Baby Mod Crib

Other than these two things we'll need a carseat and hopefully I'll get an ergo this time around.

We've got months ahead to worry about buying these things but I've got a list started already.

Saying Goodbye

My grandfather was laid to rest today. It has been a long 2 weeks. My husband and I went on an anniversary trip to Seattle and the 2nd day there got a call that my grandpa had a mini stroke. Then he was fine. Then the next day he had a massive stroke and was unresponsive. He passed away almost a week after the 2nd stroke. To say I feel like I'm living in a nightmare is an understatement. He has been my father most of my life. He was the one person I thought would always be around even though he was 88. He was the man we named our little man after. He was "papa" to our little man and I have no clue how I begin to tell him papa is gone. Please keep my sweet grandma in your prayers. They were married 64 years and there are very few days that they were apart during those years. He paid for everything and she has never even driven a car. Her life will be turned upside down once the dust settles and I just pray she stays healthy for a while. I can't lose another person! I can't face another Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Birthday (which just passed...He died 2 days b4 it and it was my first without my mom) without anyone else right now. It makes me so sad to think of the holidays ahead. My family was always one who made a big deal and spent a lot of time together around the holidays. This year it will be very small and probably pretty mellow. I am trying to focus on my sweet little family and making new traditions but its hard when I am use to something so different.
Well anyways I'm beginning to ramble. Here's a sweet pic of my little man and his sweet papa and also grandpa's grave side service. He served in WW2 so he was giving a service with military honors.

Lazy weekend

This weekend was pretty uneventful. We cleaned, got fertilizer, went through little mans clothes, and watched football. We got out a little here and there but I was thankful for an uneventful weekend! I even managed to back both mine and hubby's bags. We are taking a mini anniversary trip this weekend. I can't wait for a few days away and little man will be home with his grandparents.
Here's a few pics:


Pjs and slippers.



A little Mickey Mouse while daddy watched football.

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Christmas in October

Last year as most of you know I wanted to skip Christmas. If it weren't for little man we just might have not even decorated. It was my mom's favorite holiday. She shopped for months and by the time Christmas came around she had to dig everything out, count it all and make sure she was "fair" for everyone. She loved decorating and would put up like 3-5 different trees in the house, way more stockings than people, and listened to Christmas music for weeks. It was a holiday that I look back now and cherish so much. Not really the gifts as much as her company along the way in preparing for the holidays. This year I have been through a lot of emotions but feel like I will always miss her and that's ok. Its ok to still enjoy the holidays and do the fun stuff leading up to it even if she isn't there. So today we started our first fun holiday craft. We made cinnamon ornaments. They turned out adorable because my 2 year old did them. He is very independent and wanted NO help. We made stars, snowmen, dogs (yep we had to make puppies), and Christmas trees. I still have to lend some because it was really not possible for him to roll the "dough". The recipe I found was terrible but Im pretty sure part of it was because the apple sauce I was using was from one of his pouch apple sauces and not from a jar. But it really is just a TON of cinnamon and apple sauce. Bake it at 200 for 2.5 hours and there you have it. Adorable! He had a blast and it took care of an hour this morning. I tied some ribbon on them and hung them in the craft room till the tree goes up. My house also smells amazing which is a bonus!
So thankful I can find joy in the holiday season again even if it is only October. I know the real reason for it but when you are in the thick of grief it is so hard to see and find that Joy.





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11 weeks!

Just typing the title gives me a huge sigh of relief!

This week, Baby is the size of a: fig
How far along? 11 weeks
Due date: 04-15-13
Total weight gain/loss: I'm up 2-3lbs. :/
Maternity clothes? Just the pants because they are amazingly comfortable!
Sleep: Still having a lot of trouble sleeping. I toss and turn a ton and am up to the bathroom as least twice.
Best moment this week: Hearing baby's heart beating! We bought a home doppler. Ive used it twice and the 2nd time found it right away!
Food cravings: Frozen coke and Hersey with almonds.
Movement: Way too early for baby movement....
Symptoms: Queasy, tired, sore chest. I noticed that when I am a little late taking the progesterone that I feel great so I am hoping that after next week when they end that so will the upset stomach!
Labor Signs: Hopefully none of that till April.
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Hot dogs and brats. For some reason they sound so good!
Feeling toward Pregnancy:Relief. I feel like getting to 11 weeks is such a huge milestone for me! Praying and believing that everything will continue to go well!
What I am looking forward to: My apt next week! Can't wait to see that sweet baby! Also looking forward to our babymoon/anniversary trip in a few weeks!
Milestones: Just getting this far!
News:  My husband is refusing to talk boy names because he is SO convinced it's a girl (I think its a girl too..Everyone we talk to thinks its a girl). We've had our girl name picked out since before little man came and we still love it. Plus my mom had sewn some things with her name on it so I am hoping he is right but we just hope for a healthy baby just like anyone else!

Family Fun Weekend

This last weekend was probably one of the best weekends I have had in a long time. Friday night started out with a girls night with 2 of my sweet friends. We sat at Chili's for over 2 hours and just talked and ate. It was so needed!
Saturday we went to an apple orchard with 2 other couples and their 2 year olds. The kids had just as much fun as the adults did and we didn't even pick 5 apples. There was tons of fun stuff for the kids and the ladies picked raspberries which was a lot of fun. Saturday night we went and hung out with our neighbors. We are loving getting to know our neighbors and its fun for little man because they have a boy a few months younger than him. They are also expecting too and their baby is due just a few months before ours.
Sunday we decided to have a family dad. We needed some new winter clothes so we headed out to the outlet mall. We weren't there more than an hour but it was just enough time to find what we needed and get out of there before the rush. We then went to this super fun place called Space Aliens. They had a meal deal where you get a kids pizza, adult pizza, and $10 in tokens for $15. It was a great deal. The pizza was actually really good and the small arcade was just the right size for little man. They had a space ship that you could ride in so probably half of our tokens went to the 6-8 times he rode it. Then we headed home and spent the rest of the evening in watching football.
Feeling so blessed and thankful for all our friends and such a great weekend. I was actually feeling pretty good too which is so refreshing!

Hope you had a great weekend too!

Note to self

Don't use Dr Google to self diagnose anything. :) Always ask others who have gone through things that you or your kid are going through before consulting Dr G.

Last Friday I sent myself into a downward spiral after researching what was going on with me. It turned into calls into my doc and sobbing on the phone to the nurse explaining why my world was falling apart.

Today however, I used Dr G and found reassurance. I've been having stabbing pain when I make a sudden movement, toss and turn at night, getting out of bed for the 2nd and 3rd time at night to go to the bathroom, and especially when I sneeze. Evertime it happens I get scared out of my mind and thing something horrible is going on. But after the 20th time of this happening I began to realize maybe this is normal. Turns out its round ligament pain. Here's what brought me comfort:

Symptoms of Round Ligament Pain
Round ligament pain can be concerning and uncomfortable. But it is considered normal as your body changes during pregnancy.
The symptoms of round ligament pain include a sharp, sudden spasm in the belly. It usually affects the right side, but it may happen on both sides. The pain only lasts a few seconds.
Exercise may cause the pain, as will rapid movements such as:

• sneezing
• coughing
• laughing
• rolling over in bed
• standing up too quickly

So just another lesson learned. Just have to keep thinking positive thoughts and saying: Baby is ok....Baby is ok....Deep breath!

9 Weeks and Counting!

Here is our sweet baby 2 weeks ago:

Baby had a strong heartbeat and we got tons of photos and a disc of a small video.

This week, Baby is the size of a: grape
How far along? 9 weeks
Due date: 04-15-13
Total weight gain/loss: I'm up 1lb....I had lost 6 the first few weeks but have gained 1 of those back
Maternity clothes? Im feeling so completely bloated that if I know Im going to be gone all day I actually have worn the jeans. They are way more comfy than anything I own. Im sure I'll be able to get away with a lot of my tops and dresses because they were flowy
Sleep: Still having a lot of trouble sleeping. I toss and turn a ton and am up to the bathroom as least twice.
Best moment this week: Sorting through baby stuff and getting it out of the boxes to air out. Loved seeing all the little baby items reappearing!
Food cravings: Raspberry lemonade. I could drink it by the gallons.
Movement: Way too early for baby movement....
Symptoms: Queasy, tired, sore chest. They all disappeared for a day and I freaked out but thankfully they are all back.
Labor Signs: Hopefully none of that till April.
Stretch Marks: Well being a bigger girl and having lost a ton of weight, gained back, lost again its pretty much already there so Im not sure it will make a difference?
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Diet Coke. I have given up caffeine at least the first trimester.
Feeling toward Pregnancy: Im so thankful for this chance to be pregnant again that I am just wishing  and hoping that this baby stays around for the long haul!
What I am looking forward to: My apt Friday. I will have another u/s and hopefully see that everything is just fine with our sweet baby.
Milestones: I am past my 2nd loss!
News:  We bought a double stroller. We got an amazing deal on it and I am so excited about it. I know little man won't always ride in it since he will be almost 3 but I wanted something that gave us the option of 1 or 2.


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Lack of blogging

I missed last weeks update and honestly I'm just in a funk. I'm trying so hard not to worry but honestly I've been down this road twice before this and both times have left me heart broken. I worry every time I go to the bathroom that things will be over. Im still feeling sick, my chest still hurts, and Im still exhausted so I have no reason to believe that this time will be the same as the others. I have made it past the point of when our 1st baby passed away but unfortunately it took me almost 2 weeks to miscarry and so I didn't even know something was wrong. Ugh. I just can't get that out of my head. I need my next doctor's apt (a week from tomorrow) to be here. I need some reassurance that baby is fine!

Other time consuming things are that little man had minor surgery. Everything went fine and he his healing well!

I will try and post an update next Monday. Maybe then I will feel something new or have something to say.

6 weeks today!

I have passed 1 mile stone by making it to 6 weeks. Our 2nd loss was 4 weeks 3 days. We only knew we were pregnant for less than a week that time. We had a blood test done and it was super low but at the time didn't really think twice about it. We were going to go back in on monday for our 2nd draw and by that time it was over. Thankfully I am way past that point and had really good blood draws this time around!
I want to take in every moment that I can of this pregnancy because I know that this will be my one and only so I'm going to do the surveys of how i'm feeling, etc just so that I can keep a record of this. I was going to go out and buy a pregnancy journal but decided a weekly post on here would do the same thing. I may lose some readers and Im so sorry for that but I promise this blog won't be just about the pregnancy.

I'll start posting pics in a few weeks but for now here's the about me:

This week, Baby is the size of a: Lentil beanHow far along? 6 weeks
Due date: 04-15-13
Total weight gain/loss: -6lbs since I found out.
Maternity clothes? Confession: My grandma bought me a new outfit as soon as she found out. I *may* have worn them to test them out. Seriously if I could get away with wearing them pregnant or not I would. Oh my goodness are they comfy!
Sleep: I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping because I am in a lot of pain when I lay down (I have an ovarian cyst that must just be hitting something when I lay down because it is super painful and coming from that area). I ended up buying one of those pregnancy pillows and have been sleeping like a dream since.
Best moment this week: I am making the crib bedding and so far have finished the quilt and bumper. I bought the fabric months ago in hopes that we would have another baby somehow and as soon as we found out got the motivation to start it! :) I love the way its turning out. Its chartreuse chevron and black and white polka dots. I'll add in some aqua or raspberry colors once we find out what baby is. If you have been following me long enough you know I'm a crazy planner so I'm pretty sure this kid's room will be put together and ready soon after we find out if its a him or her.
Food cravings: BEEF! :) It's what's for dinner! Seriously I am a chicken girl. Love chicken and order it anytime we go out but the last 2 weeks all I have wanted was beef (ok really I just want steak but settle for any beef)
Movement: Way too early for baby movement....
Symptoms: I've thrown up just once but get queasy pretty easily. Im beyond exhaust which I never really thought it would be this much but man I could probably sleep all day. Other than that just cramping which I thankfully know is just the cyst.
Labor Signs: Hopefully none of that till April.
Stretch Marks: Well being a bigger girl and having lost a ton of weight, gained back, lost again its pretty much already there so Im not sure it will make a difference?
Swelling? Nope
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Diet Coke. I have given up caffeine at least the first trimester.
Feeling toward Pregnancy: Feeling so blessed and lucky to get to experience this and hoping for the best for this sweet baby!
What I am looking forward to: Meeting this sweet baby and seeing how their big brother will just LOVE them! :)
Milestones: I am past my 1st loss!
News:  Our 1st apt and u/s are a week from tomorrow! I can't wait!

Baby!

Yep I'm pregnant. It's crazy and not really sinking in very well. I mean Ive only ever seen 2 other pregnancy test positive before and that was over 4 years ago. Both those times we did fertility meds and IUI.
This time is sort of the same and sort of not. At my annual in July I talked to my OB/GYN about doing a few rounds of clomid only. No monitoring, no iui, and no trigger. Just ovulation tests and clomid. She agreed that there is nothing to lose and that it would be worth a try. She didn't believe that really the other 2 things made that big of a difference since there was nothing wrong with my husband. She told me that you can only take clomid for 12 cycles She called me back that day after my apt and said let's start today. I couldn't believe it. Today? I haven't had my period since April. Don't I need to take meds to start a cycle before I can start anything? She said that new research has shown that people like me who have super long cycles can just start the clomid at anytime and call that "day 5". She put me back on the metformin because that is shown to decrease the risk of miscarriage, told me to take prenatals and call her at the end of the cycle. 2 days before I left for Panama I was having some major pain so I went to the clinic after hours for an ultrasound. Turns out as usual for me I got an ovarian cyst. Ugh. Its still been giving me pain and I am SO looking forward to the day it is gone! Well the day after I got back from Panama I decided to take the test and sure enough it turned positive right away. No waiting around and no holding it up to the light to see if there's a 2nd line. It was there and just as dark as the other. I could hardly believe it! I started bawling and called my husband at work. I was sobbing so hard he couldn't understand what I was telling him. After about the 4th time he got it. Looking back now I wish I would have done something cute to tell him but I can't keep something like that in for 5 mins to myself. Its been hard to even keep it for almost 2 weeks.
I know it's early to tell people but this cycle is so much different. I had 2 rounds of blood work and both were great, I'm feeling pregnancy symptoms which I didn't before, and just overall really feel like this is going to be ok.
Well that's the whole story. 6 1/2 years after starting the process to start a family I'm here! Yay! :)

Lots to say....

The last month has been a crazy one. My brother got married, I went to Panama, and just overall life has been crazy.

The wedding went great. It was beautiful and I know my mom would have loved almost every minute. I'm guessing she was up in heaven laughing at my dance moves because she has never seen me dance and its been a long time since Ive danced like that. It was so much fun and I was so glad to have my aunt, cousins, and my brothers friend to keep the dance party going all night. :) There *may* be pictures of me serenading the bride and groom at one point.

My trip to panama was beyond anything I could have expected. The biggest thing I took away from the trip was Break my heart for what breaks yours. It was something that hit me so strong. My heart just breaks for the people of Panama and especially the young girls of the country. There is so much abuse and no protection for them. Im hoping I get the chance to go again!

We finally got grass at our house so it really has been nice to go out and play in the yard and we've had a chance to get to know some of the neighbors. Its been so fun because there are so many young kids on our cul-de-sac.

Well that's about it for now! I'll update soon on other craziness going on :)

2nd Birthday party (almost a month later)

We had Stewart's big party the weekend after we moved. Then we went to mississippi and now a week after that trip I am finally getting around to uploading and posting all the pictures. We had a toy story theme party because he is pretty much obsessed with all 3 of the movies. He LOVES buzz lightyear. Before he was born kohls had their $5 stuffed toys with buzz light year and I bought it then. Well turns out his night isn't complete without sleeping with buzz. I decorated the house the day before his big party during nap time and his eyes were huge when he came down after nap to see it all. It of course rained that day as it did last year but thankfully we had the space to fit everyone and didn't have to scramble for a back up place. It was a little cozy but it was fine. We are so thankful and blessed by everyone who cam to celebrate his special day. I can hardly believe he is 2 now (well other than the almost daily tantrums that make me realize he's 2). I think this last week has made me realize how ready I am for him to be a big brother and I just wish somehow it would happen before he turns 3! :)

Road Trip in the VW

We traded our beloved Edge for a mini van back in March. As much as I said I would never do it well we did. I can tell you this....I don't know if I'll ever go back. Ha. It was the BEST road trip car we have ever had and of course the built in TV's help a ton to keep the little one busy. My grandparents did great too. I was expecting to stop a lot more than we did. Little man was showered with attention the whole long weekend and I got to do just a little shopping in there and eat my favorite fast food place. You'll notice a theme in the pictures below. My cousin's wedding was just as beautiful as her and we headed home the next morning. I think my husband missed us being home a ton while we were gone. I think there will be many more fun family road trips ahead but this time with daddy along!

One of the few times he slept

Riding the chessy mall train

SWIMMING! I heard mommy swimming about 100 times :)

Night #1 which was the worst...2.5 hours to get him to sleep.

He loves it as much as I do.

Me and my sweet little man

I drive car mommy......drive car...drive car. These are a few of his favorite things to say now

Love!

1st time playing in the playplace

1st hotel stay since the week he was born.

Sewing alone

Today I decided to tackle sewing my curtains. The last curtains that were sewn were done by my mom for little mans nursery. I'm not a sewer but I'm trying to teach myself. It was something I always wanted my mom to teach me. We did some basic things which thankfully is all I need to do this but I just wish she were here to do it with me. I just can't believe it's been almost 7 months. I'd like to think she's still watching and cheering me on from up there!



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This could be bad for the diet...

Just found out that my all time favorite place to eat is coming to Minnesota. Are you ready for this....CHICK-FIL-A. Yep its a fast food! Come on people! This seriously is one of the few things I miss about living in the south. I have emailed about once a year since moving here asking their customer service when they are coming here. I'd like to think its all thanks to me that they are coming. Just kidding. I don't really count the 2 that are here because they are in college student unions and let's face it I'm not going there. Seriously this is the best news! Here's the scoop on their plans. http://www.bizjournals.com/twincities/print-edition/2011/08/12/chick-fil-a-is-on-the-way-to-twin-cities.html?page=all
This article is a little old but Ive seen proof that there is one going at the airport and then the radio announced today that there is another one going in somewhere in the area. I would think they would do more than 1 with their roll out according to the article but we'll see.
Ok I need to get back to party decorating (there's a BIG 2 year old toy story party here tomorrow) but it was worth the stop to post this. :) Can you tell I am a little excited??

The big move!

Last friday we closed on our house. It was a quick process and we dove right in to moving right after. By Saturday afternoon almost everything was out of the town house and about 1/3 of the house was unpacked and liveable. We had a ton of help and are so thankful to our friends and family that helped with the move, took care of little man, and Sadie.
I am so glad to be in and pretty much settled now. There are a few boxes left in the master bedroom and our bed broke so we are waiting on the pump replacement which should be here tomorrow. I am so ready to be back in my own bed.
We are pretty exhausted but of course I have managed to pack our schedule over the next week: 2nd birthday party, family pictures, and we are heading to a wedding next week. This mommy is ready for a little vacation! I hope we NEVER move again! :)

2nd Birthday

My sweet little man turned 2 on Saturday. It's so hard to believe that he is 2! I can still remember that day 2 years ago and all that happened in about 7 hours after our call that he was about to be born. That was by far the best day of my life. It was the day worth all the pain and heartache that I had spent years in. Since that day we have had so many great memories.
This year we spent the day doing all things having to do with trains and eating. We went to 2 different places to see trains, ate yummy lunch, took a nap, had ice cream for dinner, and then a visit to the toy store. It was a pretty fun day and I know he loved it all. We had friends with us too which made the day that much better!
His big party will be memorial day weekend in the new house. We are doing a Toy story theme. Can't wait for our friends and family to celebrate his special day and to also see our new place hopefully all settled.

Happy birthday little man! I am so thankful I was chosen to be your mommy!



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Living in the moment

I don't think there will ever come a day where I can see a movie or watch a TV show where someone is removed from life support and not cry. That imagine is still so raw of my sweet mom being taken off. So much of what is shown on those shows really looks like the real thing. It's an imagine that I wish was not the last one I saw of my mom but it makes me stop and think about how precious life is and how much I need to live in every moment with my sweet family. I miss my mom so much but I know that she lived in the moment and enjoyed every minute she spent with little man!  I need to  cherish the time I get each day with my little man. Cherish playing with trains on the floor for over an hour and not worry about how much packing needs to be done or what needs to be cleaned. Cherish those little moments before bed where we ready a story and say our prayers. One of the most important things I need to cherish is my husband who works so hard so that I can stay home. Life can be so hard sometimes but sometimes we need to shift focus on the good that we have!
Here's some of our fun today! This is his first time seeing the train set. (excuse the annoying mommy voice and the tripping over a box in the beginning. His sweet face just lit up when he saw the train :) )

Our Saturday morning

So far not one box has been packed today and I'm ok with it! We are thinking about having some Mexican food for lunch and then hopefully some packing. Heres what our lazy morning has looked like









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