This year is different...

The is one of the weeks I have dreaded most in the last 5 years. It is the week leading up to Mother's day where you hear and see a million commercials talking all about what to get and how to celebrate Mother's day. I would flip channels both on the TV and in the car as soon as they started. I would cry in the car on my way to work when they came on. It is the worst reminder of my body failing me and the worst reminder of what I was not yet and what I didn't get to experience. Last Mother's day I was filled with so much hope because I wanted to believe SO much that it was going to be the last Mother's day I didn't get to celebrate. My little man was going to be born that month! But in the back of my mind there was still that voice saying "you aren't there yet so DON'T get your hopes up too much. Things happen and you could leave this month with nothing."

This Mother's day I am filled with more emotions than I can ever explain. I am filled with so much JOY because I am a mother. I am filled with so much happiness that my mother is still here! I am filled with pain and sorrow for a few of my friends who are still waiting to experience motherhood (and one in particular who has had a few things not go well lately).

This Mother's day I am also filled with so many emotions towards Stewart's birth mom. This last year has been nothing short of amazing in our relationship with her but my heart breaks for what she may be experiencing this year and the years to come. I am thankful for our relationship and that she gets to watch him grow up and I am thankful that he will know her and her amazing family.

So this Mother's day will be a day to enjoy my little man, be thankful for my mom, remember my sweet friends still waiting, and spending time with a young girl who made MY dreams a reality of becoming a mom! This Mother's day is just as much about her as it is about me!