I guess this post is going no where but I guess that's where I am.
Id like to go back to last year...I'd like to go back to this moment.
12.18.2011
1 month
Today marks one month since my sweet mommy passed away. I can hardly believe its been a month already. I feel like I have gotten no where in the last month. I feel like the grieving hasn't even started yet and I am just numb. I'm wondering when that will actually happen. Im wondering when I will dig out of this rut and begin to "move on". I wish so much that she was still here. I sometimes wonder if we made the right decision and if we should have kept her on machines just to selfishly keep her here longer. Christmas is this week and it was by far her favorite holiday. She went all out every year and we would spend all year shopping for just the right things. She loved to shop and so did I. She loved to decorate the tree and so do I except this year I just couldn't do it. This year I have spent the last few weeks wishing we could just skip over the holidays. I know I need to get excited about it and I know I need to get in a better place because this is Stewart's 2nd Christmas. I need to enjoy for and with him.
I guess this post is going no where but I guess that's where I am.
Id like to go back to last year...I'd like to go back to this moment.
I guess this post is going no where but I guess that's where I am.
Id like to go back to last year...I'd like to go back to this moment.
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Ah sweetie, I'm so sorry! I can only imagine how hard this holiday is for you {{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDeleteMe, too.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give you a hug! My dad LOVED Christmas, it was his favorite holiday. He enjoyed every minute of it. When he passed away last year, 20 days before his favorite holiday, it seemed so cruel. Out of the 12 months we have in a year, we had to say goodbye to him in December? I was numb and couldn't imagine putting up the tree and going through the motions of the holiday. Around the 15th, something inside me clicked and I knew I had to put up the tree. He would have wanted it. And that first Christmas without him, just weeks after he passed, while it was not the happiest time to say the least, it was still about being together as a family. This Christmas without him was just as "odd" but we did everything Christmas-y this year that we normally would in years past. It's not easy but we did it. He would have wanted us to. And my house yesterday when everyone was over was filled with laughter. Everyone of us was thinking about him but life goes on. I know you struggle with all of these fresh emotions and my best advice is to give it time. There is no right or wrong for how long it will all take for you to feel better. I have really bad days and I have really good days. I take one day at a time. I am always here for you if you need to chit chat... Hugs to you!
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