Few Pictures from Stewart 1st Birthday Party!

1st Birthday Card!

Stewart got his first birthday card in the mail today! It is really weird for me to realize that he is going to be 1 in less than 48hrs. YIKES!

1st swim of 2011

A few years ago I bought this baby pool in hopes that someday Id have a baby to swim in it. Well today I finally got to get it out and we even had a quick play date with the neighbor's little girl. I didnt get pictures with her but here are some of my little man splashing around.

This year is different...

The is one of the weeks I have dreaded most in the last 5 years. It is the week leading up to Mother's day where you hear and see a million commercials talking all about what to get and how to celebrate Mother's day. I would flip channels both on the TV and in the car as soon as they started. I would cry in the car on my way to work when they came on. It is the worst reminder of my body failing me and the worst reminder of what I was not yet and what I didn't get to experience. Last Mother's day I was filled with so much hope because I wanted to believe SO much that it was going to be the last Mother's day I didn't get to celebrate. My little man was going to be born that month! But in the back of my mind there was still that voice saying "you aren't there yet so DON'T get your hopes up too much. Things happen and you could leave this month with nothing."

This Mother's day I am filled with more emotions than I can ever explain. I am filled with so much JOY because I am a mother. I am filled with so much happiness that my mother is still here! I am filled with pain and sorrow for a few of my friends who are still waiting to experience motherhood (and one in particular who has had a few things not go well lately).

This Mother's day I am also filled with so many emotions towards Stewart's birth mom. This last year has been nothing short of amazing in our relationship with her but my heart breaks for what she may be experiencing this year and the years to come. I am thankful for our relationship and that she gets to watch him grow up and I am thankful that he will know her and her amazing family.

So this Mother's day will be a day to enjoy my little man, be thankful for my mom, remember my sweet friends still waiting, and spending time with a young girl who made MY dreams a reality of becoming a mom! This Mother's day is just as much about her as it is about me!

What a difference a year makes....

This past weekend I went to a Women's Conference with some girls from my church. This was the first time in a long time where I attended something like this and wasn't crying out to God to give me a child. I had spent years asking that and this time instead I was filled with so much joy and thankfulness. This time I had so much hope and left feeling like there are some BIG things about to happen. I am so excited to watch all of this unfold and have a HUGE feeling it is coming soon! I know without a doubt that I am going to be a stay at home mom! It is no longer I hope to be but I know that I am supposed to be and that this is going to happen for me. I also know that without a doubt I am going to expand my involvement with our early childhood ministries at my church. I don't know what that will be but just feel that there is something BIG coming there too. Right now I am there every Saturday night and love that but I feel like there is more that I can and will be doing. I have grown up in a church my whole life and there have really only be a few times where I felt like I was hearing and feeling some sort of direction in my life. I felt like my next steps were pointed out to me this weekend and I left feeling like I know some of the plans ahead. Prior to this weekend the last time I had this was when we decided to start the adoption process. I heard so clearly then that I was chasing pregnancy SO much that I lost sight of what I wanted. I wanted to be a mom and that my little one was out there already and that I needed to get a move on it. Sure enough Stewart was already in the making and little did I know that 6 months later I was going to be a mom.

I am so excited for what this next year will look like! I have no idea when all of this will happen but know that it is going to and I am SO excited!

Cozy Truck Vs The Radio Flyer Wagon

So Nils and I have been having this debate lately about what to get Stewart for his birthday. One of use wants to get him the adorable Cozy Truck and one wants to get a wagon. You may be surprised who wants to get him what.
We got him a chair (or really a slip cover for a chair we have yet to get but wanted the CUTE slipcover for the anywhere chair before it sold out/was on clearance). Im not sure if we'll save the chair for Christmas and get something else for his birthday. So here's where you come in. What do you think should be Stewart's 1st birthday present? Cast your vote on the right hand side of the blog!

Or

National Infertility Awareness Week - Bust a Myth

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I have debated on writing about the myth I wanted to write on for a few days. It is one that I have heard SO much since we adopted and it is one that I have the hardest time hearing now that I am a mom. The myth I want to bust is "If you adopt, you will get pregnant". Just because a couple adopts after going through years of infertility does not mean that they will get pregnant. While this does happen for some couples for others it does not. I have been on "the pill" for over 5 years now. We have had 2 pregnancies both of which were achieved through either clomid/IUI or with gonal-f/IUI. I have never been pregnant just the plain old natural way. Have I given up hope that maybe someday we will get pregnant like most people I know? Not at all. But I am also realistic in knowing that there's a good chance it won't happen for me. My cycles are usually 100+ days and have gotten even worse as I have been trying to lose weight over the last year (another myth...lose weight if you are over weight and you'll get pregnant/have normal cycles).

Anyways I guess I just wanted to share that being Infertile is something I continue to deal with and face on a regular basis. Yes I am a mom now and it has been the biggest dream come true for me but it does not cure/end a disease that I will probably always live with. It doesn't cure the months where I have pain. The cysts I have had removed, or any of the other ongoing issues I will have.

I know so many sweet girls that still live on with this even after their miracle babies come and I know so many that are still waiting for their miracle. So in honor of this week I pray for my sweet friends still waiting and for those who are on the other side and yet still live with this everyday! You girls have meant so much over the last 5 years! You truly get what it is to live with Infertility and for that I will always be grateful for your love and support! I am also thankful for those of you who don't live with this but still are there and have been supportive! Even though you don't get it you still care! So thank you!

To learn more about the Bust a Myth campaign http://www.resolve.org/infertility101
More background of National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW): http://www.resolve.org/takecharge.*