Hitting a low point

The last few weeks have really dug me into a deep low. I want so badly to be staying home with my little guy. I want so badly to be the one taking care of him all the time and having fun playdates, going to the zoo, and just watching him grow up. I have missed so much of his time in the last 10 months that I don't want to go too many more months with working and missing out. I have been so proud of Nils because he is looking and trying so hard so that I can stay home and I appreciate that so much! He knows how miserable I am and unfortunately as much as Im trying to just take it day by day and trust that eventually I will get my dream of staying home I feel like right now that dream is so far away. Stewart has started waving a lot and now in the mornings I almost (well sometimes I actually do) leave in tears because he smiles and waves bye bye to me. Some days when I go to pick him up from daycare he turns to her when I try to take him. Ugh. I know he loves me and I know that he knows who I am but sometimes (ok most of the time now) its so hard to be a working mom. My house is a mess, the laundry is piled up, and all I can really handle at night is hanging out with him till he goes to bed which is 2-3 hrs after we get home and then going to bed myself so I can get up in the morning and see him and repeat this whole thing again. I have tried to be positive, thankful I have a job, and thankful we can pay all of our bills but my heart still aches.
Who wouldn't want to be home all the time to hang out with this sweet face: