Today was a day that started like any other. Little man woke up early (which resulted in me finally sewing some black fleece and putting up a tension rod behind his curtains in hopes to black out his room) so we went downstairs and started the day. We had a play date and then headed home, ate lunch, and then nap time. Sometime after that it all came crashing down. I began to remember where I was a year ago and how these were my mom's final days. I remember sitting by her bed while she was intubated. I remember taking the tubes out and her have 1 really good day (which is 1 year ago tomorrow). She sat up that day, talked a ton to me and really just spent the day resting and playing games on her ipad. It was the last time she told me she loved me or the last time I got a hug from her. She told me how much she appreciated me being there the last 3 months and how much she needed me and was glad I never left her side even though I should have been home.
I miss her so much and have tried so much to go on with life but today it hit me. It hit me that I fast forwarded through Christmas last year without a single picture and we had drive thru mcdonalds for Christmas day lunch. I didn't want to celebrate anything and just wanted it to be over so much that we took the tree down Christmas day. I realized that this year I have to face it. I owe it to my husband and son to make new memories even if it is just us. So I had a really good cry and am ready to face her one year this weekend. Im ready to face the holidays even if they will be tough. Im ready to make new memories whatever they may be.
I just really want her here to talk pregnancy stuff, little man stuff, and just overall life stuff. Can't believe it's almost been a year. Amazing what can happen in a year.
You were the daughter every Mom dreams of having {{{HUGS}}} I'm glad you're looking forward and going to focus on making new traditions with your family. It takes a strong mama to do that. Big {{{HUGS}}} for you!!!
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