Its been 3 months since my Tubal surgery (I didn't blog about it because it literally consumed my life for a while after and was in and out of the hospital 3 times). Since then things have been pretty bad and eventually I just started answer Im fine when anyone would ask how its going. Id brush off pain, bleeding, and other issues and just believe that it was going to get better. My doctor basically gave me till March to be 100% or close other wise she wanted to hear from me. Well I called last week and she was out. So she called me this week and wanted to see me right away and "talk". That was Wednesday. It was decided then that Im going to have to have a hysterectomy. Unfortunately its not just lap surgery. It will be a Total Abdominal Hysterectomy. I'll be in the hospital at least 3 but more likely more nights. And about a 6 week recovery at minim. Surgery is schedule for 2 weeks from now.
Am I surprised that I have to have this? No. My grandma had it at 29 and my mom in her 30s. Its something Ive know could happen to me. Im walking such a fine line between being ok with it and feeling completely freaked out. Im young yes. Im done having kids..yes. But its still such a big thing and I never imagined I'd be doing this so soon after another surgery. My last surgery went so bad that Im nervous for this one. The fact that I needed a blood transfusion for such a "minor" surgery last time makes me nervous for that again even though it went fine. I got pneumonia last time and Ive nervous to get that again too (I get it several times a year anymore it seems).
So that's where Im at. I could use prayers, support, help in anyway, meals if you can. I am never one of ask for help but I know Im going to need it. I know I can get through this.
3.07.2014
6.06.2013
My sweet girl
I'm almost 2 months behind on blogging but lets face it I wasn't doing so good at keeping up before she arrived.
Callie Sophia arrived on @ 550pm April 19th, 2013. She weighed 7lbs, 20.5" and a full head of hair. She has been an amazing baby and is rarely fussy. She's already sleeping 6-7 hour stretches some nights and is nursing like a champ. Her delivery didn't go so smooth but all that matters is she is here safe and sound and I'm pretty much fully healed physically. I'm dealing with some baby blues which has been rough.
Overall life is good :)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Callie Sophia arrived on @ 550pm April 19th, 2013. She weighed 7lbs, 20.5" and a full head of hair. She has been an amazing baby and is rarely fussy. She's already sleeping 6-7 hour stretches some nights and is nursing like a champ. Her delivery didn't go so smooth but all that matters is she is here safe and sound and I'm pretty much fully healed physically. I'm dealing with some baby blues which has been rough.
Overall life is good :)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
4.10.2013
Reflecting on the last 7 1/2 years...
As my due date is coming soon I have spent a lot of time reflecting
on the last 7 1/2 years. That's when this journey all started and I just
can't even begin to explain how much all of this has changed me.
Throughout this whole pregnancy it's always been in the back of my mind
that "if" this baby makes then this chapter is closed. A chapter that
has consumed so much of me and something that I have wanted my entire
life and never knew back then that I would have to fight so hard to get.
We spent almost 2 years of trying on our own before we started getting tested for everything under the sun. Once we were given my diagnosis it seemed to me that it would just be so simple. We would try clomid and boom I would be pregnant. Well it sort of worked that way. We tried for a few months and then on my 3rd round we did IUI with it. On April 15, 2008 we finally got the answer we were hoping for. I was pregnant. Its ironic to me that this sweet baby girl is due the exact same day (5 years later) as my 1st positive pregnancy test. Unfortunately almost 12 weeks later that sweet baby was gone and after a horrible miscarriage (D&C) we picked ourselves back up and tried again. Then in November we would get another positive test but unfortunately that one ended much quicker at 5 1/2 weeks. I had a positive blood test and knew that I was but unfortunately minutes after telling my husbands family we were pregnant I went to the bathroom and began to lose that baby. (We actually went to this same restaurant for my husband's birthday this year and I went into the bathroom and all the memories came flooding back of that horrible day). We did a total of 9 IUIs and I can't even count how many infertility drugs went along with that. After that we decided to do IVF but after the mock transfer decided that we just needed a break. Two weeks later we decided to start the adoption process and less than 6 months later our sweet little man was born. The process went way faster than we could have ever imagined but we know without a doubt that God's timing was perfect because we had to go through all that to lead us to him. He has been the most amazing gift and we couldn't picture our life without him. Once he was born we never stopped trying (I never went back on any birth control once I was off of it).
Through those 2 years after our little man came alone I dove into more of what it really meant to have PCOS and what I could do to help my body. After talking with my doctor we decided to try Metformin. It's a diabetic drug that has shown to help women with PCOS to have full term pregnancies and also help regulate cycles. Since mine would go for months I decided it was worth a try. It did help somewhat regulate me but we still didn't get pregnant. When little man turned 2 my husband and I decided it was time to think about what was next for our little family. At that point we decided I would talk to my doctor and see what she thought. Could I try clomid with no monitoring and just try like normal people with that help of that. Well my appointment was at the beginning of July and at that point my cycle was well over 100 days so either way I needed her to do something. We talked about options and timing and everything because not only was my brother getting married but I was leaving on a mission trip to Panama at the end of the month. We also talked about research that I had found that said you could just start clomid on people like me at any time and didn't need to restart a cycle. So we decided that Id go home and start the clomid and go from there. It was strange to not be poked, prodded and all of that during an cycle but it was also a great feeling to just be "normal". We did use OPK's and it was also decided that I would take Metformin as well as progesterone during the cycle because that also helps to sustain a pregnancy. My brother's wedding came and went and the mission trip came and went. Well the next morning after arriving back in the states I decided to take a test. I really thought nothing of it. I'd seen a million negative tests before so when it immediately turned positive I was shocked. Never in a million years did I think it would be "that easy". I had several blood tests and ultrasounds and it was confirmed that everything was right on track (and that there was ONLY 1 baby). From there on out things have gone mostly smooth. Ive had ups and downs and spent a few months mostly on the couch but now here I am with a sweet baby girl moving in my belly and a due date that is just days away.
There are so many things I would change about how the last 7 years has gone but I know that everything happens for a reason. There were so many dark days during this process where I really believed that maybe I wasn't meant to be a mother because it just wasn't happening. The number one thing that I would change in all of this is that my mom would be here to see this sweet girl. She loved little man so much but she wanted so badly for me to be able to have one more child and hoped I would be able to have a girl. My mom was my best friend and someone I talked to everyday and saw most days. She was the most amazing mother and grandmother and it just breaks my heart that my kids will never get to experience how amazing she was. I only hope that I will be the mom she was and that I will have the same close relationships that she had with my brother and I; now with my son and daughter.
I am so ready to close this chapter of building our family and move on to the part of raising my sweet babies, being the best wife I can, and focusing on what I have in life and not what I am still missing.
We spent almost 2 years of trying on our own before we started getting tested for everything under the sun. Once we were given my diagnosis it seemed to me that it would just be so simple. We would try clomid and boom I would be pregnant. Well it sort of worked that way. We tried for a few months and then on my 3rd round we did IUI with it. On April 15, 2008 we finally got the answer we were hoping for. I was pregnant. Its ironic to me that this sweet baby girl is due the exact same day (5 years later) as my 1st positive pregnancy test. Unfortunately almost 12 weeks later that sweet baby was gone and after a horrible miscarriage (D&C) we picked ourselves back up and tried again. Then in November we would get another positive test but unfortunately that one ended much quicker at 5 1/2 weeks. I had a positive blood test and knew that I was but unfortunately minutes after telling my husbands family we were pregnant I went to the bathroom and began to lose that baby. (We actually went to this same restaurant for my husband's birthday this year and I went into the bathroom and all the memories came flooding back of that horrible day). We did a total of 9 IUIs and I can't even count how many infertility drugs went along with that. After that we decided to do IVF but after the mock transfer decided that we just needed a break. Two weeks later we decided to start the adoption process and less than 6 months later our sweet little man was born. The process went way faster than we could have ever imagined but we know without a doubt that God's timing was perfect because we had to go through all that to lead us to him. He has been the most amazing gift and we couldn't picture our life without him. Once he was born we never stopped trying (I never went back on any birth control once I was off of it).
Through those 2 years after our little man came alone I dove into more of what it really meant to have PCOS and what I could do to help my body. After talking with my doctor we decided to try Metformin. It's a diabetic drug that has shown to help women with PCOS to have full term pregnancies and also help regulate cycles. Since mine would go for months I decided it was worth a try. It did help somewhat regulate me but we still didn't get pregnant. When little man turned 2 my husband and I decided it was time to think about what was next for our little family. At that point we decided I would talk to my doctor and see what she thought. Could I try clomid with no monitoring and just try like normal people with that help of that. Well my appointment was at the beginning of July and at that point my cycle was well over 100 days so either way I needed her to do something. We talked about options and timing and everything because not only was my brother getting married but I was leaving on a mission trip to Panama at the end of the month. We also talked about research that I had found that said you could just start clomid on people like me at any time and didn't need to restart a cycle. So we decided that Id go home and start the clomid and go from there. It was strange to not be poked, prodded and all of that during an cycle but it was also a great feeling to just be "normal". We did use OPK's and it was also decided that I would take Metformin as well as progesterone during the cycle because that also helps to sustain a pregnancy. My brother's wedding came and went and the mission trip came and went. Well the next morning after arriving back in the states I decided to take a test. I really thought nothing of it. I'd seen a million negative tests before so when it immediately turned positive I was shocked. Never in a million years did I think it would be "that easy". I had several blood tests and ultrasounds and it was confirmed that everything was right on track (and that there was ONLY 1 baby). From there on out things have gone mostly smooth. Ive had ups and downs and spent a few months mostly on the couch but now here I am with a sweet baby girl moving in my belly and a due date that is just days away.
There are so many things I would change about how the last 7 years has gone but I know that everything happens for a reason. There were so many dark days during this process where I really believed that maybe I wasn't meant to be a mother because it just wasn't happening. The number one thing that I would change in all of this is that my mom would be here to see this sweet girl. She loved little man so much but she wanted so badly for me to be able to have one more child and hoped I would be able to have a girl. My mom was my best friend and someone I talked to everyday and saw most days. She was the most amazing mother and grandmother and it just breaks my heart that my kids will never get to experience how amazing she was. I only hope that I will be the mom she was and that I will have the same close relationships that she had with my brother and I; now with my son and daughter.
I am so ready to close this chapter of building our family and move on to the part of raising my sweet babies, being the best wife I can, and focusing on what I have in life and not what I am still missing.
3.18.2013
36 weeks...
Since I completely fell off the wagon with these updates I thought Id finally get one in before she comes. I really thought I'd do better at these updates but they just haven't happened.
This week, Baby is the size of a: She now weighs almost 6 pounds (Found out she's the size of a weird melon that I've never heard of and saw another site that said bowling ball so I'm going with bowling ball) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long
How far along? 36 weeks
Due date: 04-15-13
Baby is: It's a GIRL. Callie Sophia is the final name.
Maternity clothes? Yep and I'm slowly over them and ready to wear a Mu Mu :) At least summer is coming which means dresses & flip flops (I may have pulled them out last week a few times while it was icy and 25 out).
Sleep: I think I get better sleep in an hour afternoon nap than I do at night. Between bathroom trips, hip pain, and a husband who snores now (I think he always did I just use to fall asleep b4 him). Sleep has not been so good. I get now how pregnancy prepares you for not sleeping once baby comes. We didn't get that the first time around and went from visiting him at the hospital and going back to the hotel for 12 hours of sleep one night to none the next night.
Best moment this week: This was from a few weeks ago but the sweet girls at my mom's group table threw me a shower. It was perfect and SO sweet and I felt so blessed by it. Other than that trying my best to live in every moment with little man being an only child.
Food cravings: Choc Covered Strawberry blizzard :) Its pretty much the only thing I won't get heartburn from
Movement: Tons.I thought it would slow down as she ran out of room but now they are so strong I'm pretty sure she's breaking out through my belly.
Symptoms: The worst of it is the hip pain at night and the heartburn. I have been lucky that the heartburn hasn't been so bad until about 2 weeks ago it hit and I've been living off antacids.
Labor Signs: Had one night where I was pretty sure it was it but the contractions stopped as soon as I drank water and laid down.
Swelling? Feet are like fred flinstone
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: sleeping through the night is about it
Feeling toward Pregnancy: Feeling so blessed to make it this far. Also feeling like a crazy pregnant person because whenever I leave the house now I start thinking about my water breaking and what plan I have in place to get my husband and get little man Settled :) That and labour dreams have been crazy too.
What I am looking forward to: Seeing her sweet face!
Milestones: Getting to 36 weeks!
News: I've got my bags packed and sitting by the door. I have everything lined up and am just waiting for her to decide it's time.
This week, Baby is the size of a: She now weighs almost 6 pounds (Found out she's the size of a weird melon that I've never heard of and saw another site that said bowling ball so I'm going with bowling ball) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long
How far along? 36 weeks
Due date: 04-15-13
Baby is: It's a GIRL. Callie Sophia is the final name.
Maternity clothes? Yep and I'm slowly over them and ready to wear a Mu Mu :) At least summer is coming which means dresses & flip flops (I may have pulled them out last week a few times while it was icy and 25 out).
Sleep: I think I get better sleep in an hour afternoon nap than I do at night. Between bathroom trips, hip pain, and a husband who snores now (I think he always did I just use to fall asleep b4 him). Sleep has not been so good. I get now how pregnancy prepares you for not sleeping once baby comes. We didn't get that the first time around and went from visiting him at the hospital and going back to the hotel for 12 hours of sleep one night to none the next night.
Best moment this week: This was from a few weeks ago but the sweet girls at my mom's group table threw me a shower. It was perfect and SO sweet and I felt so blessed by it. Other than that trying my best to live in every moment with little man being an only child.
Food cravings: Choc Covered Strawberry blizzard :) Its pretty much the only thing I won't get heartburn from
Movement: Tons.I thought it would slow down as she ran out of room but now they are so strong I'm pretty sure she's breaking out through my belly.
Symptoms: The worst of it is the hip pain at night and the heartburn. I have been lucky that the heartburn hasn't been so bad until about 2 weeks ago it hit and I've been living off antacids.
Labor Signs: Had one night where I was pretty sure it was it but the contractions stopped as soon as I drank water and laid down.
Swelling? Feet are like fred flinstone
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: sleeping through the night is about it
Feeling toward Pregnancy: Feeling so blessed to make it this far. Also feeling like a crazy pregnant person because whenever I leave the house now I start thinking about my water breaking and what plan I have in place to get my husband and get little man Settled :) That and labour dreams have been crazy too.
What I am looking forward to: Seeing her sweet face!
Milestones: Getting to 36 weeks!
News: I've got my bags packed and sitting by the door. I have everything lined up and am just waiting for her to decide it's time.
2.08.2013
Trying to cherish these days...
I have been almost completely house bound for the last 3 weeks. It has been less than easy for me. I am use to being on the go all the time. I am use to taking little man to playdates, moms group, and so on. He's been loving staying in his PJ's pretty much every day and now almost hates leaving the house.
Yesterday it came to me that these are my last few days with just him and I at home. It will no longer just be him and I at home but there will be another little one added to the mix. It made me realize that I need to take more time and read to him or let him play with the play dough and not freak out about the mess it makes. (I cringe every time it comes out). I need to play super heros more even if being on the floor is not the most comfortable place for me.
I have less than 6 weeks left of this and then we are free to get out till she comes. I'm looking forward to getting out again with him but for now we'll enjoy books, super heros, and play dough. It will all be worth it when she comes and I know I will look back on these days and cherish all this time we have had together at home.
Yesterday it came to me that these are my last few days with just him and I at home. It will no longer just be him and I at home but there will be another little one added to the mix. It made me realize that I need to take more time and read to him or let him play with the play dough and not freak out about the mess it makes. (I cringe every time it comes out). I need to play super heros more even if being on the floor is not the most comfortable place for me.
I have less than 6 weeks left of this and then we are free to get out till she comes. I'm looking forward to getting out again with him but for now we'll enjoy books, super heros, and play dough. It will all be worth it when she comes and I know I will look back on these days and cherish all this time we have had together at home.
1.22.2013
Currently
Loved this post idea from before and thought Id do it again! Thanks Kara!
Loving: Right now I am loving all of the time I am spending with little man and trying to soak up as much of this as I can before baby girl comes. I know life will never be the same and there will be very few chances for just him and I to hang out.
Reading: Other than my daily pregnancy updates, pinterest, and kids books there isn't much that I have been reading. Reading is one of my least favorite things but love reading with little man. We read a bedtime story every night and I love to watch him turn the pages and point out everything on each page. I also love watching my husband read the bed time story. It puts everything else in life on hold and I just loves those little moments.
Watching: Catfish. Seriously hooked on the show. Since my husband and I met online (and thankfully were completely ourselves) this show's concept is very interesting. It is well written and the main guy really does care for these people and wants them to be able to move forward in life. Also keeping up with grey's & private practice before they go off the air for good.
Listening to: Since there is rarely a time I listen to anything that I want to I will say I love hearing all of the new things that little man comes up with. His vocabulary has exploded in the last month and I love being able to hold a conversation with him. He is growing up so fast!
Thinking about: This sweet baby girl. I have had a rough week and have had a lot of contractions and I can't get my mind off of KEEPING her in. I had an appointment on Friday and had a lot of tests run as well as my glucose test. Thankfully I passed all but the doctor still wants me to take it easy as best I can from here on out which is tough with a toddler. SO thankful I have friends who have rallied around me during this time. Im just praying she stays put longer. Thankfully I'm in the 3rd trimester now!
Looking forward to: Im so excited for February. I am going to get maternity pictures taken. This was one thing that I really wanted since this will probably be my one and only pregnancy. I also wanted to have some pictures of my sweet family before baby girl comes. I'm also looking forward to a shower that some friends are throwing. We gave everything away and have started over with this baby because we really never imagined or thought that we would be able to have another child and if we did it would be a long time away. Thankfully my grandma bought our crib and we've bought most of the items one at a time so there isn't much we need but so excited to see some PINK stuff.
Making me happy: Even though I haven't gotten out of the house much lately I am so happy for this house. I am so happy to have this much space and that we are so blessed to be able to have a roof over our head. I am happy that we were able to make this move last May and I am so excited for all that has happened since we moved into our home. I feel like my life is exactly where I want it to be right now and that the only thing I wish I could change is having my sweet mommy still here.
I have really felt so blessed this week and I know that my mom is watching over me and baby girl. She was my absolute rock throughout all of my life and I am so glad that I have a husband who has also been that person for me. I'm not sure where I would be if He weren't in the picture and I had lost her. I feel so blessed to be pregnant and that I have made it this far! I know there are so many out there still waiting on their miracle and I am so lucky to have 2 miracles that are coming/came in 2 totally different ways. Its a good place to be right now and Im happy!
Loving: Right now I am loving all of the time I am spending with little man and trying to soak up as much of this as I can before baby girl comes. I know life will never be the same and there will be very few chances for just him and I to hang out.
Reading: Other than my daily pregnancy updates, pinterest, and kids books there isn't much that I have been reading. Reading is one of my least favorite things but love reading with little man. We read a bedtime story every night and I love to watch him turn the pages and point out everything on each page. I also love watching my husband read the bed time story. It puts everything else in life on hold and I just loves those little moments.
Watching: Catfish. Seriously hooked on the show. Since my husband and I met online (and thankfully were completely ourselves) this show's concept is very interesting. It is well written and the main guy really does care for these people and wants them to be able to move forward in life. Also keeping up with grey's & private practice before they go off the air for good.
Listening to: Since there is rarely a time I listen to anything that I want to I will say I love hearing all of the new things that little man comes up with. His vocabulary has exploded in the last month and I love being able to hold a conversation with him. He is growing up so fast!
Thinking about: This sweet baby girl. I have had a rough week and have had a lot of contractions and I can't get my mind off of KEEPING her in. I had an appointment on Friday and had a lot of tests run as well as my glucose test. Thankfully I passed all but the doctor still wants me to take it easy as best I can from here on out which is tough with a toddler. SO thankful I have friends who have rallied around me during this time. Im just praying she stays put longer. Thankfully I'm in the 3rd trimester now!
Looking forward to: Im so excited for February. I am going to get maternity pictures taken. This was one thing that I really wanted since this will probably be my one and only pregnancy. I also wanted to have some pictures of my sweet family before baby girl comes. I'm also looking forward to a shower that some friends are throwing. We gave everything away and have started over with this baby because we really never imagined or thought that we would be able to have another child and if we did it would be a long time away. Thankfully my grandma bought our crib and we've bought most of the items one at a time so there isn't much we need but so excited to see some PINK stuff.
Making me happy: Even though I haven't gotten out of the house much lately I am so happy for this house. I am so happy to have this much space and that we are so blessed to be able to have a roof over our head. I am happy that we were able to make this move last May and I am so excited for all that has happened since we moved into our home. I feel like my life is exactly where I want it to be right now and that the only thing I wish I could change is having my sweet mommy still here.
I have really felt so blessed this week and I know that my mom is watching over me and baby girl. She was my absolute rock throughout all of my life and I am so glad that I have a husband who has also been that person for me. I'm not sure where I would be if He weren't in the picture and I had lost her. I feel so blessed to be pregnant and that I have made it this far! I know there are so many out there still waiting on their miracle and I am so lucky to have 2 miracles that are coming/came in 2 totally different ways. Its a good place to be right now and Im happy!
1.08.2013
Weight
As the new year turns its the time every year where I've woke up and wondering if this year I can lose more weight. If this year I can stick with something even when it is so challenging and if I will stick with the "resolution". It's weird not to start the year off with that.
I've struggled with weight my entire life. It's not hidden secret. It's been a huge part of the PCOS and the only time it was "easy" to lose was when I was on the metformin. There are very few days that I have not stepped on the scale and that was something I was really going to try and work on while pregnant. Its ok and necessary to gain some weight with the pregnancy for obvious reasons. However, I still feel frustrated as the scale goes up. I know this is so dumb. This is the one time in life I get to forget about that but somehow I just can't. I haven't changed my eating at all really and I chase around a 2.5 year old all day so I think that is keeping everything on track. So far at just over 26 weeks I am up 15lbs. I am hoping to be no more than 30 by the end of this pregnancy but we shall see. I wish I didn't have this struggle and I wish I could just let it go but it's hard to break a habit that's been going on for 29 years.
Anyways that's whats on my mind today.
I've struggled with weight my entire life. It's not hidden secret. It's been a huge part of the PCOS and the only time it was "easy" to lose was when I was on the metformin. There are very few days that I have not stepped on the scale and that was something I was really going to try and work on while pregnant. Its ok and necessary to gain some weight with the pregnancy for obvious reasons. However, I still feel frustrated as the scale goes up. I know this is so dumb. This is the one time in life I get to forget about that but somehow I just can't. I haven't changed my eating at all really and I chase around a 2.5 year old all day so I think that is keeping everything on track. So far at just over 26 weeks I am up 15lbs. I am hoping to be no more than 30 by the end of this pregnancy but we shall see. I wish I didn't have this struggle and I wish I could just let it go but it's hard to break a habit that's been going on for 29 years.
Anyways that's whats on my mind today.
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